OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
