My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
