So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Randomize
