i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
