the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
