party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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