Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
