Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
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i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
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Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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