do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
