if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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