thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
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