i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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