WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
