I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
