It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
