I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
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I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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