i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Boobs speak an international language.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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