You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
