So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
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i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
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Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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