Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
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