I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
