look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
there is glitter all over my balls
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