so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
