Will you blow on my dice?
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I smell like Dick and happiness
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
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