I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
