It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I just gargled with NyQuil
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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