So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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