So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
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