he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I need to sanitize my soul.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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