I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
i think my tv is drunk
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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