Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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