i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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