Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
