I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
She told me I should be a condom model.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Randomize
