just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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