how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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