'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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