Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
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