Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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