I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
