Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
