I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Randomize
