Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize