I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Randomize
