Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Randomize
