apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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