So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
