Old men and throwing up are my life now.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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