Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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