Me too!
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
