I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Randomize
