I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
