if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
