i wish peter jackson would direct porn
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Randomize
