How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
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