Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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