I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
