I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
