Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
