worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
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