so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
