Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
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