butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
