put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I wish they made helmets for livers.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
