I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
my vag is so smooth its legendary
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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