I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
