...so i touched it.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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