Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
