try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
